A Very Serious Fanfiction
by ToadetteIsMyCaptain
Summary: This story follows the journey of a class of third year middle schoolers on a mission to kill their teacher, an octopus capable of flying at Mach 20. If they do this, they save the planet. Too bad it's so easy to poke fun at... Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

The students sit at their desks with down downcast expressions. The air felt tense as they waited for their teacher. Everyone avoided looking everywhere except at the desk in front of them as the door to the classroom opened. They gulped simultaneously, as the teacher slowly, loudly made their way to the desk, and set their book down.

"Alright, People! Let's get started shall we? Class Monitor, if you would do the honours?" The teacher said, his yellow tentacles slithering around. He wore a constant smile on his face.

"You're an octopus... You're a fucking octopus!"

The class looked to the back of the room to see a tall and slender caramel skinned woman. Her dark brown, almost black hair was shaved on the right side. The girl's eyes could not be seen, as she was wearing circular rimmed sunglasses.

"I feel like the fact I've seen no one make a reference to tentacle porn means that you have a very kind fanbase. Anyways, don't mind me."

The woman then stood up and headed toward the door. "Carry on," she said, before she left.

The class looked at each other in confusion.

"I don't recall her being apart of this class…" The teacher said, scratching his head.

* * *

"Fire!" The class opened fire on octopus, who dodges all of the shots.

"Oh! Oh my! Well, why don't I just call roll while you children wear yourselves out? Isogai?"

"Here." Came the response.

"What's that? I'm afraid I couldn't make it out over all the gunfire!"

"Here!" The student shouted louder.

"Okajima!"

"Here!"

"Okuda!"

"Here"

"Wait!" Came a voice through a loudspeaker.

After a moment, the woman from before appeared at the classroom entrance. She slowly walked up to the octopus. "You missed a student. Seriously, how can you skip people? This isn't Uno! You even have the roster in your… er… tentacles…! Is it because Okano's is not an important character yet?"

The woman runs up to Okano, wrapping her in a tight hug.

"'Tis okay, Okano! The Emoji Face and Maehara might not see that you're a pretty cool character, but I do!" She then let go and looked back at the teacher. "Don't forget her again!" The lady then walked out, once more.

"Er… okay…" Isogai said. "I guess we should continue with roll call then?"

"Sure." Okano huffed, her cheeks bright red. Did the woman say Maehara intentionally, or did she just pick a random student? She hoped it was the latter, but she highly doubted that.

* * *

"Hello, how are you? So, I'm the one who blew up the moon!" The creature said enthusiastically.

"Huh?!" The class said in unison.

"Why would you do this? Do you know what the moon does? It causes phases, eclipses, and tides! We need the moon and you…" at this point, the government agent turned away from the woman and started speaking again.

"I'm Karasuma; I'm from the Ministry of Defense," he said to them.

"Don't ignore me!"

* * *

"Must be pretty lonely spending your life in the crosshairs," Nagisa said.

"Quite the opposite, actually. Reminds of how amazing I am!" The teacher said confidently before heading inside with his missile. "Now then, inside for fifth period, please."

Nagisa looked down sadly. "Sure…" he said, softly. _"There's no denying it. He is amazing. Confident, capable. Powerful enough to make people stand up and take notice, even if they are trying to kill him… Everything I'm not. Everything I'll never be. No matter how hard I try, or how many chances I'm given… I can do this. I have an advantage. I'm as invisible to him as I am to everyone else…"_

"Yeah, that's nice and all, but it's total bullshit. You're clearly some sort of hero type, but eh, to each their own." The woman from earlier walked up to him. "Now get to class, Hero!"

Nagisa just blinked, then did as she said.

* * *

Terasaka kneeled down to Nagisa. "Whoa… he doesn't even have a mark on him… and what the hell is this membrane? Did the body-"

"It's not a body, it's a husk. I shed my skin once a month. I wrapped it around your classmate to protect him from the blast," the teacher said in a stern tone, as Nagisa sat up, breaking the shed skin. The class looked around for the octopus worriedly. Terasaka eventually saw him on the ceiling, his breath catching in his throat.

The teacher's normally cheerful voice, was now growly and angry. His yellow face was now a pitch black colour, and his eyes gleamed red.

"Oh! Motley Bossblob! Yuh huh… gotta go." The strange woman was here again, but she couldn't leave, as the teacher was by the door, and she wasn't touching that can of worms. She watched the scene replay out in front of her. _"I feel like I've seen this part of the show way too many times…"_

"Call us irresponsible, we're just defending ourselves!" Terasaka yelled, still frightened.

The teacher's face changed to a red "correct" circle, and his voice returned to normal. "Of course! I know that! I'm not calling you irresponsible for trying to kill me!"

"That doesn't worry anyone else? He went from 0 to 100, and back to 0 in the span of a few seconds! That's fine though! It's fine." No one even looked at the woman this time, they weren't even surprised.

* * *

"I think you'll find out I can do plenty, Sir. Just you wait and see." Nagisa smiled at him, confidently.

Green stripes appeared on the teacher's face as he laughed. "That's the spirit. No one leaves until I am vanquished!" He exclaimed dramatically, earning complaints from the students.

"Wait, does that include me?!" The woman, still at the back questioned her eyes widened in realisation.

"Yes yes, Strange Woman. You too. You get to stay here with us." The teacher went and patted her on the shoulder. "Starting tomorrow, you need to come in proper uniform! And we need a name for you."

"Wait, I'm not a ninth grader! I've not been a ninth grader since spring of 2015! And I've tried to leave alone, but I just wake up here when I do!"

"Well, it is spring of 2015. Anyways, what's your name?" Nagisa asked her.

Figuring that she probably wasn't going to leave soon, she sighed. "Joshey… Joshey Alina…"

* * *

"How do you say "Unkillable" in Japanese?" Koro… sen-nai? Ah! Koro-sensei!" Kaede eventually said. The class being somewhat relieved that they had a name for him.

* * *

Hi, folks! I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter of my somewhat parody of Assassination Classroom! This is going to cover the entire series chronologically, but even I don't know the direction it's going to take, and it will not cover every scene. This should go without saying, but don't take this story too seriously.

I have a Discord! If you would like to join, the code is: JKH56Ut. Please come hang out with us!

Reviews are appreciated! I do accept and appreciate constructive criticism! Let me know what you think!

~Toadette's Subordinate


	2. Chapter 2

"There he is. Chillin' out back before the first bell, not a care in the world. Readin' a Hawaiian newspaper casually picked up from Hawaii on the way here,"

"Yeah, I'd rather get like a fun souvenir or something. Like… a keychain, or some… Hawaiian attire."

Nagisa and Sugino both jumped slightly. They looked to see Joshey standing there.

She looked back at them. "What? My sole purpose is to say strange things. I'm literally here to take everyone out of the moment. I couldn't leave if I wanted to."

Nagisa and Sugino sighed in response.

* * *

"Sugaya!"

The student in question looked rather worried as Koro-sensei examined his drawing.

"Not a bad likeness, I'll give you that, but I'm a little hurt by jaw line," Koro-sensei told him.

"You don't have a jaw!" Maehara shouted angrily.

That was followed by the sound of a crash and slight laughter coming from the back. The class looked back to see that Joshey had fallen out of her chair, and was now on the floor, her sunglasses having slid across the floor. She stood up quickly and looked around.

"Er… Sorry, I don't usually fall when I laugh… I'll… I'll see myself out now." She headed for the door. She opened it and turned back. "Good day to you all." Before exiting and closing it behind her.

"Er… didn't she mention last chapter that when she leaves, she wakes up here?" Fuwa asked.

"Last… chapter…?" Nagisa asked.

Right then, Joshey reappeared back in at the desk. She looked around, and threw her hands up in exasperation.

"For fizzle's sake!" She said, annoyed.

* * *

The bell rang, signaling the next period.

"That's lunch, people. If you'll excuse me, I have some important off-campus business to attend to," Koro-sensei said heading towards the window.

"Tofu from China?" Isogai questioned.

"Actually... I'm catching a ball game in The Big Apple. Ciao!" Koro-sensei replied before leaving the room. Dust flying throughout the entire classroom, causing the students to yell out.

"He sure knows how to make an exit," Yoshida said, his arm still in front of his face.

"I know! That thing is starting to get on my nerves," Terasaka replied, irritated.

"Muramatsu, when did you have time to not only pick up, but also, to put your bag over your head?" Joshey queried, her arms crossed.

The rest of the class looked at Muramatsu. He was holding his bag above his head for cover. He slowly put it down.

"Hey, it's like that sometimes," Came her response.

* * *

"So, hey, what's New York chief export?" Isogai asked, while putting his books into his bag.

"I dunno, booze?" Maehara answered with a smirk.

"Sucks we're not drinking age," came the reply.

"What about something greasy from one of those food trucks?" Hinano asked cheerfully.

"Man! New York girls are hot! Especially the blondes!" Okajima said drooling slightly.

"Oh yeah!" Maehara agreed, excitedly.

"Eh… I mean, don't get me wrong, but I'm more partial to California girls myself. But with blondes? I'll need to think on that one," Joshey said.

The other two smiled slightly.

* * *

"I didn't realise that you had brown eyes, Joshey," Kataoka said, tilting her head slightly.

A few of the other students who heard looked to confirm that was the case. Joshey narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"What?" She then put her hands to her face, then looked back to see that she had never picked up her sunglasses. "Oh… That would explain why I can almost see." She went to pick them up, then put them into her pocket.

"Well… it's not like they did me much good aside while I was in the classroom..." she said, putting on a different pair of glasses. The appeared to be prescription glasses, and instead of being thin circular-rimmed, they were cat eye rimmed and slightly thicker. "That's better."

* * *

"What do they have to talk about?" Nagisa wondered, seeing Sugino and Koro-sensei sitting on the steps. "Holy crap. He's ticked off he tried to kill him!" Nagisa hurried to the exit.

"And now he's literally up in arms!" Nagisa exclaimed as he saw that Koro-sensei was holding Sugino up with all of his tentacles.

"Er… Koro-sensei? I don't think his leg should bend that way. Did… did you break it?!" Joshey pointed at Sugino's leg.

"No, I did not!" Koro-sensei cried.

* * *

"And besides, why settle for being an imitation?" Koro-sensei queried, putting a hand on Sugino's shoulder.

"Next time, try assassinating me in your own style," Koro-sensei told him while he walked away.

"More flexible, huh? I never realised," Sugino said before bending his wrist.

"Aww… I wanna do that! My wrists aren't that flexible! Eugh! That's also kind of unsettling, but it's cool! Ahh!" Joshey said, trying to bend her wrist the same way.

* * *

"Huh. Human. Not human. Doesn't matter to me," Karma said as he stabbed the paper with the rubber knife then picked up both. "Either way, I'm good." He then dropped them on the floor in front of him.

"Should be a lot of fun… I've always wanted to kill me a teacher, He said with a nonchalant tone.

"Yeah… That's cool and all, but no, sorry. You're like… too much of a cool type. But I'd love to see you try!"

Mr. Karasuma didn't even acknowledge Joshey this time, he just called one of his subordinates to escort her out of the room.

"Hey, I'll be back come the next chapter anyways! You cannot escape me!"

* * *

Okay, it took me forever to update, and I'm sorry. Since this is a side project, updates will mostly be sporadic like this! Favourite, follow, review, etc. Let me know what you think! I do take constructive criticism, so don't be afraid to leave some. Bye!

~Kaleny Kilsa


	3. Chapter 3

"Makes those knives sing! Treat every move like a legit kill strike!" Karasuma instructed the class as they continued their knife drills.

"You're in the way here, pal. Phys Ed is my department now," He told Koro-sensei.

"But… But I'm lonely…" Koro-sensei said in a slightly saddened tone.

"Find something else to do then, like, I don't know. There's a sandbox. Have a field day," Karasuma said, pointing to the sandbox.

"You don't have to be so insensitive…" Koro-sensei said with tears streaming done his face. Despite this, he played with the sand anyway.

"I don't think he can help it, really… Plus, I guess it allows for character development or something!" A woman with dual French braids said.

The class looked at her slightly confused.

The woman turned around and revealed herself to be Joshey. "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you just look... different… Your hair does, at least." Yada said.

Joshey looked at her for a moment. "Yeah, I change my hairstyle every so often because… I can do that… She shrugged. "_It'll probably be different next episode._"

"Huh?"

"Don't worry about it. Get on with your drills! I'll be over here, making fun of you, like usual!" She said before sitting down on the ground.

* * *

Isogai and Maehara tried to land a hit on Karasuma, but he simply dodged them.

"See that, kids? Even with the bare minimum know-how, I can practically dodge their attacks in my sleep. They've got no technique," Karasuma said, which annoyed the duo.

They charged at him once more, but he simply slammed them both. "If you can't land a hit against a guy like me, you haven't got a prayer against a target whose top speed is Mach Twenty. See? We've been sparring for half a minute and look. He's had time to change clothes, make tea, and build a model of Osaka Castle." They looked at Koro-sensei to see that he had indeed done all of those things."

"That is so irritating!" Maehara said.

"Yeah, it is! How did he heat up the water for the tea? That takes at least two minutes in my experience! Did he just… Fly around and shake something until it got really hot or something? Did he have the kettle already boiling? But where would he have had the kettle? How did you heat up that tea?! I need answers!" Joshey said, before taking a heavy breath. She sat in silence for a bit.

"Come to think of it, she does have a point, how did you heat up the tea, Koro-sensei?" Sugino asked.

"Eh, it might be explained in a later ep- At another time or something," She said, catching herself. "If I figure it out, I'm definitely telling everyone."

* * *

The bell rang for the next class.

"Ugh, we've got a quiz in sixth period," Sugino said, sounding exhausted.

"Right? They should just let us go home after gym," Nagisa replied before the two stopped and looked at the top of the stairs.

A tall kid with red hair and a black jacket over his uniform stood there with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a strawberry milk carton. "Nagisa. 'Sup? It's been a while," The kid said in a laidback tone.

"Does anybody else hear ominous music…? In any case, that's probably my cue to go say something irrelevant," Joshey said, before up to the group. She noticed the music got louder as she got closer to the redhead. "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Nothing like a red herring with red hair. She said. The group looked at her in confusion. "What? You won't understand what I'm saying half the time anyways. I'm supposed to make light of serious situations and say commentary that you might not get."

Karma looked at Joshey. "I remember you. You got escorted out of the meeting I had with Karasuma and his subordinate."

"Yeah, and? Jokes on them, if that meeting had lasted any longer, I would have been back in the room again. Don't ask questions, just join the Club of Confusion." She said before turning around to leave.

"She's gonna reappear here if she gets too far away again…" Fuwa said as that exact thing happened.

Joshey sighed. "That was on me. I don't know why I did that,"

* * *

"Ah. Mr. Akabane, correct? I understand your suspension ends today. Welcome back." Koro-sensei said, warmly. "That said, tardiness is a no-no." A purple X appearing on his face as a buzzer sounded.

Karma laughed. "It's kinda tricky gettin' back into the swing of things. Oh. Feel free to call me by my first name. Anyway, I've heard some good things, Teach. Nice to meet'cha," he said, holding out his hand.

"The pleasure's all mine. Should be a fun and educational year," Koro-sensei said as he moved to put his hand in Karma's.

As soon as it made contact, Karma crushed it, destroying the tentacle. Koro-sensei looked in shock before Karma went in for another attack, as Koro-sensei moved away from him.

"Ah. You are fast, arent'cha? And who'da thought these knives actually work?" Karma said, looking at his hand. "I just cut one up into strips and tacked 'em on. Pretty elementary stuff chief. I'm disappointed that's all it took to catch you by surprise," he held up his hand to show Koro-sensei.

"Yeah, me too!" Joshey said walking up quickly. "Koro-sensei, you have let me down!" She said, crossing her arms. "Hold on Karma! I'll let you get back to going around and coming around or being a bitch, or whatever you do. But first! Koro-sensei!" She grabbed Karma's shoulders, or at least, she tried to but her hand went right through him, as though he were a hologram. "Huh… I cannot physically interact with him…" She said, slightly confused. "But anyway! Look at this child. You look at this child and tell me you trust him." She held out her hand, gesturing to him. "He doesn't seem like someone I'd want to have a conversation with, let alone shake his hand. I shake my head at you, good sir. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined." She shook her head and walked away before stopping a few feet away. "Carry on with your attempt, Carmen."

Karma looked at her confused. "Is she always like this?"

"You get used to it."

* * *

"Wow, that's twice in one day, Teach," Karma said, pointing his gun at Koro-sensei once more, before walking up to him as he continued aiming his pistol. "I'm gonna keep pullin' the same old tricks. Class'll get interrupted, our grades'll slip. Let's be straight up though. If you want this to stop, you can just kill me or anyone else in this class for that matter." He shoved the gelato he was holding into Koro-sensei's robe.

"Okay, pause! Wait just a moment!" Joshey said from her new seat in the back; her feet kicked up onto the desk. "First off, I switched desks for this guy? Like what a prick! But he's so cool. Gahhh!" She swung her feet off and stood up. "Second of all, this is why I could never be a teacher. Assassination aside, I would have to spend too many years in university and get paid too little to deal with kids like this. Teachers who work with delinquents and troubled kids are way too patient. I just can't even!" She sighed, exasperated. She walked out of the room as everyone watched her. A moment later she walked back in and to her desk. "I'll teleport back here if I leave, I forgot."

* * *

"_He's clever. He's manipulative. He's ice cold. He sees what makes you tick and how to exploit it. If anyone can do this, it's him."_

"Yeah, that's all fine and well, Nagisa, but have you ever considered that he might be too talented for his own good? In this type of… setting, kids like him don't get the last word," Joshey said, reading a book. Her feet back up on the desk, along with her glasses.

The students looked back at her again. "What are you talking about, Joshey? Nagisa didn't say anything!" Isogai said.

"Yes, I know." She tossed her book which disappeared into thin air. However, I heard what he was thinking. I'm not a telepath, so I figured it would be best to... tell him my thoughts on his thoughts. Yeah, that makes sense on paper." She crossed her arms and nodded. The class looked confused seeing that her book was gone. "Oh, and don't ask about the book. Not even I know where it goes."

* * *

"I was into this when I thought he was just a monster, but... now that I know what his personality is like," Karma said with a maniacal smile, as the train passed by. "I finally get to kill an honest-to-goodness teacher!" He chuckled a bit. "I've been dreaming of this. Ever since my last teacher up and died."

"So, we're gonna just gloss over that? It sounds majorly ominous that your teacher just 'up and died'... and you're smiling like you're the fucking Joker or something. 'My teacher suddenly died with no explanation and I may or may not have given that weird implication that I'm responsible.' But who cares, assassination!" Joshey said, "That's kinda sus, not gonna lie. And nobody cared? Well, damn." She starts to walk away as the scene had practically finished at that point.

* * *

"Just so we're on the same page here. You pretty much consider yourself a teacher above all else?" Karma questioned as he got off the branch hanging over the cliff.

"That's right," Koro-sensei said, with a nod.

"Cool. And you wouldn't think twice about putting your life on the line to save a student?" He asked with a slight smirk.

"What sort of teacher would I be if I did?" Came Koro-sensei's reply.

"That's awesome. Good to know. So, I can kill you," Karma said, pointing his gun at Koro-sensei, before letting himself fall off the cliff. "Knew there had to be a way."

"Well, that when from 0 to 100 in the span of a second… Oh, wait. I can hear his thoughts!" Joshey said. "_Yeah, I remember this scene. Kinda sad that his teacher cheated him like that but I guess that's life… Also so, __**that's**_ _why his last teacher up and died…? Huh..."_

"_What are you waiting for, Koro-sensei? You either die for real, or I kill your reputation." _Karma thought, before he was caught by a... yellow tentacle web…? Yeah, that works.

"Well done!" Koro-sensei said from the underside of the web. "A splendidly premeditated assassination attempt! Full marks! Neat, huh? I knew your body couldn't take being plucked out of freefall at the speed of sound and had I moved any slower, you would've shot me." His head poked up through the web, looking at Karma as he struggled to free himself. "What a tangled and sticky web we weave, eh?

"What the hell?! Is there anything these tentacles are capable of?"

"I shake my head. First off, Karma! You dropped something: your body, off of a cliff!" Joshey shouted down, exploding in laughter.

"Joshey, that's not funny! He could've died! That's really insensitive of you," Nagisa said with an annoyed expression on his face.

"No no no! I'm not laughing at the fact that he jumped. That's terrible. I'm laughing at the fact that he thought that something so careless would work. Koro-sensei has already proven that he won't let you guys die. Plus, it's only episode 3, of course Koro-sensei wasn't going to die. This is the Assassination Classroom! What happens when Koro-sensei dies? Everything goes back to how it used to be…"

"Huh… I guess I never thought of that…" Nagisa said.

"No matter, I'm gonna go see what heartfelt lesson Koro-sensei is teaching the boy," Joshey said, before she walked to the cliff and flew down to the pair.

"_Hmm… I really don't get anything she does, or anything about her at all. Where did she even come from?" _Nagisa asked to himself. _Wait, can't she hear our thoughts...? I expected a witty reply…" _He looked down at her, floating in midair as she talked to Karma and Koro-sensei. She either didn't notice what he was thinking or didn't care. "_Hmm…"_

* * *

**Okay, it's been a very long time since this was last updated and I am so so sorry! On the bright side, I made it through my first year of college pretty well! **

**This is still a side project, but I very much intend to see it through. And I already kind of understand how I want some of the more major scenes to play out, as well as how I'm gonna handle the ending and whatnot.**

**Also, I change the Discord server invite code. It is now V4RVQcC. **

**Hopefully, I'll be back for another update soon. Favourites, follows, reviews all appreciated! Constructive criticism is welcomed!**

**~Kaleny Kilsa**


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